There are pains that all humans learn to deal with: a loss of a grandparent, puberty & growing pains, a close friend moving away. We learn to deal with them mainly because people tend to outwardly cope, sometimes announcements are made publicly, and as we grow up, we’re taught that these things are normal and simply “part of life.” I don’t believe this is the case with miscarriages.

Here are the stats on miscarriages:

• An average of 20% of clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. (Note that this is only counting pregnancies that are clinically recognized. Who knows how many unreported cases there are.)
   
• 50-75% of miscarriages are "chemical pregnancies" (fertilized eggs that fail to survive) 

This means that there is a pretty good chance (whether you may have realized or not) that you will encounter a miscarriage at some point in your life… but why is it so hard to cope with something so common? The answer: an old school mentality that leads to a lack of transparency.

For many years, it was thought that a miscarriage meant a woman’s uterus was an “inhospitable environment;” that their bodies actually “killed” their baby. Miscarriages often have a major impact on marriages and relationships. It can lead to depression, anger, and confusion. Imagine carrying a brand new life in your womb, then finding out that this life has ended?

This mentality has lead to the traditional time frame window: wait after the first trimester (during which most miscarriages occur) before making an official pregnancy announcement. Just in a purely mathematical viewpoint, you can already see how this negatively affects society. Most women wait to announce. This leads to never announcing miscarriages, which leads to people thinking that miscarriages are rare, when in fact, they are not.

(Please keep in mind that all of this also applies to the conception process. Getting pregnant after “trying” for 18 months is more common than you think!)

What I consider to be a good solution to this societal problem:

As soon as you find out you’re pregnant, tell your friends. It doesn’t have to be a public announcement, but inform at least as many people in  your “support network” as possible. These are the people that you love and trust that will be your “net” and catch you if/when the time comes to inform them of a miscarriage.

If/when you’re ready to do so, tell young females about what you’re dealing with. Tell them how long you’ve been trying to get pregnant, tell them that miscarriages are common, and that everything will likely be ok. If you have daughters/nieces, do the world a favor and tell them!

So here’s our story:

This week, after some pain and a trip to the emergency room, we got the surprise that my wife Leah was 5 weeks pregnant. Though it was very exciting, a few days later, we ended up at the hospital again and lost our child to an ectopic gestation, meaning the baby was forming in a fallopian tube rather than the uterus. The fetus was, at this point, 6 weeks old; had a heartbeat. One surgery and two painful days later, we’re back home today. This is bittersweet news because although the loss is extremely saddening, we now know that we’ve got a fertile set of future parents, and a faith that God is in control of our situation. 

Leah is doing well, recovery from the anesthesia kicked her butt during the first day of recovery, but right now she's just dealing with some pain from the surgery itself. Thank God for pain meds!

This week has only brought my wife and I closer together. Though it’s been an emotional rollercoaster, we’ve been in constant contact with those we love about what’s going on, and hope that our story can have a direct (or indirect) positive impact on another young couple.

God is good!

I leave you with this: